I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
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On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
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I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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