If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize