I wanna bring you to show and tell
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
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i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
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I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
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