I'm sorry my penis didn't work
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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