Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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