Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize