Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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