we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm having to shit out rocks
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