Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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