the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize