Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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