I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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