Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
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Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
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We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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