Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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