I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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