You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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