I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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