I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
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If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
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Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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