So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize