Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
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I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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