I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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