I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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