you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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