I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
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I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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