He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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