Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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