Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize