You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
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You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
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I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
soo... how was my night?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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