What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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