I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize