At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize