He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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