I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
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the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
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Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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