Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
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But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
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so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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