who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
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