you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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