don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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