The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
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I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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