Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
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i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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