im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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