Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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