I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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