we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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