every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
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He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
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I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
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