If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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