Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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