I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
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24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
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I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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