Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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