I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
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I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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