I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
God I need to hump something, right now.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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