Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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